Happiness is all that we take with us. This small excerpt from the song "Bem-Te-Vi," composed by my aunt Lucina, her partner Lulli, and my father, Mário Avellar, has always struck a chord with me. Happiness is all that we take from this life. Whether destiny knocks on the door or sneaks up on us, as it did to me two years ago when I received the diagnosis of an aggressive breast cancer, this phrase reminds me again that sorrows, disappointments, and angers pale in comparison to moments of pure happiness.
But this topic also makes me ponder the finitude of life. In advance, I apologize for broaching this subject again. Aging, time, death. There's actually a subject that the majority of the world's population avoids talking about at all costs, but that everyone, without exception, regardless of social class, gender, favorite team, or zodiac sign, will experience: death. The so-called "grim reaper" seems distant before turning 50. At least it was for me. As I approach the halfway mark of my existence, with less than three years to go, and after experiencing the scare of cancer, it's something I constantly grapple with.
This reminder of death has two paths. Depression, being the first. Thinking that I have less time to accomplish things I haven't even started yet. That my body seems unable to keep up with my mind anymore. And even my mind is showing signs of weariness. Depressing. The other side is precisely the happiness side. Quite ambiguous, I know. This other path is exactly the opposite of the former. This is where thoughts of still having about 50 years to build everything I haven't started yet come in. That everything I've done for my body and mind in these past 47 years is paying off since I'm aging well. That the eagerness to learn more and more keeps me alive and vibrant.
Let's do this. Following the AA principles and affirming that "just for today" I'll choose the path of happiness. Tomorrow we'll reaffirm, and so on every day, grateful for the experience gained, for the years lived, and for many more to come. Just for today, I choose happiness.